You're about to get some precious insight as to the origins of my insanity.
Battle of the Planets.
Yup, the anime series - same period as Goldorak, Captain Future and Captain Harlock, waaaay before the crappy and/or over-violent ones they're showing these days, and strangely a lot less famous in France (oh, and I hope you appreciate the research here, because it did take a bit of time to find links in all three concerned languages).
Anyway. Battle of the planets.
There were 5 of them: the girl, the chubby one, the little kid, and... drum roll, names in French: Marc et Thierry.
I was 6 or something and maaaaadly in love. With both of them. Cartoon characters, what else is there to say? Once my homework was done, I would rush to the TV, and nobody could have dislodged me. There was no point trying to talk to me for 15 minutes either. I was a goner. It was Marc et Thierry this, Marc et Thierry that.
It lasted a year or something, and then I moved on to Elvis Presley and Clint Eastwood. My legendary good taste in men was born.
But I always had a soft spot for those two unreal characters. And it wasn't always easy, because no one remembered Battle of the Planets. Everybody knew Goldorak, everybody knew Capitaine Flam, but 7-Zark-7 or the Phoenix never rang a bell in anyone. So there was no point in me talking about my crush to anyone as nobody would have nodded knowingly and gone "oh yeah, me too" in a conspiratorial tone because they understood the crush; and I carried my burden alone.
And then my brother got me the DVD set. And last night, I was with some friends, and I had the urge to share. We watched. And boy did we laugh. There's no action, the voice-over is ridiculously elaborate for children (which is good, I guess, as it builds their vocabulary, but there's got to be a limit...), and I was waiting with bated breath to see THE boys. Oh I saw. Oh dear. How. Is it. Possible. To have lived in a LIE for so long. I've been carrying a torch for a quarter of a century (there, I've said it) for two ugly boys who aren't even real.
They'd need to be wearing their helmets all the time (because they are kind of cute in those), and that feels wrong, doesn't it? A bit like saying "HER?? Err, with a brownpaper bag over her head, yeah, maybe. Otherwise, it's a no-no".