I saw things yesterday. Things I shouldn't have had to see. Things that made me question whether the world really has sunk that low. Haley Joel Osment has nothing on me. Nothing.
I saw people fighting for one garment, in a way that made me want to yell "stop! in the name of love, charity and all that is holy! or at least before you rip it to pieces and it's no use to either of you, you twits!", secretly hoping that it wouldn't fit any of them and I'd get to take it home.
I saw queues outside shops, you'd have thought this was Poland at the height of... whatever it was that made Poland and its mythology.
I saw queues outside "corners" in department stores, the Gucci corner, no less. Yes, people, like Gucci is ever going to be so affordable that if you're not there on time, it'll all be sold out. And Santa will bring you lots of toys if you're nice. Twits.
I saw a horrible dress, on sale for 2000 euros. 2 bloody 000 euros. I can't even recall the name of the designer, but that's all right, because I'm sure he can't recall mine either.
I saw the flip-flops I really really really wanted, but they weren't the right colour.
I never saw one dress that I could wear to the wedding (ugh) I'm attending in a couple of weeks now. That means either I'm going there in the buff or I'm wearing something shapeless and faded.
I saw people using the weather as an excuse to dress appallingly. And I'm no one to judge, really, but there has GOT to be a limit. Girls, if you're going to wear something that bears your back, please - please - position your bra so it doesn't take up half the bare space on your back. It is supposed to be bare. Please. Similarly, if you're going to wear those transparent plastic straps on your bra, make sure that the cups of said bra are not actually showing out the top of your flimsy turquoise little tops. That tends to be counterproductive, I find. And guys, that really tight t-shirt that looks so good on David Beckham or other very famous people? Not so good on you if you're so flabby you have man breasts. That's all I'm saying. I'm not judging, take it as free advice. Because I'm kind and only have your best interests at heart.
I saw women coming into shops with babies and prams in tow. I find that unsettling. Do they think that the shopping savages will actually give them their space in the queue? Do they knowingly take their babies to use them as leverage? That would be sick and perverted. Or are they that oblivious that they never realised it might not exactly be the brightest idea they ever had? In which case, what are social services doing?
I saw shops (I'm not naming names, but Zara, get your shit together) who decided that slashing prices was very 2004. They're going at it in €5 instalments now.
I saw John McEnroe in Galeries Lafayette, with his kids. At least I think it was John McEnroe.
Yes! The sales have started. They'll only last three weeks this time around (as opposed to 6 usually), so that promises concentrated action.
I wish I'd taken my camera. It's fun for all the family.