25 janvier 2006

Things I hate - here we go again

Helpdesk technicians - they are like Damien, except they're even badder. You don't think that's possible? You phone my cable company. I am incensed, enraged, mad, have been for the whole of a whole week, that's a whole seven days, it's a whole of a lot. Lord help me, I could kill with the sheer power of my anger. See how bad they are? I'm like the sweetest thing on the planet and they turn me into a bloodthirsty beast!
For the sake of helpdesk technicians who happen to read this site, let us get a few things straight. Telling me to clear my cookies when I tell you I have problems with Outlook isn't going to help me like you. Ending the free chat session, when I'm clearly not finished, with a "your problem requires a telephone intervention, may I suggest you call our 0892 number, for a rate of €0.34 per minute", when we both know that this call will last for half an hour at the very least, half of which will be made up of me holding, and will end with a "your problem requires a visit by a technician that will cost you €75" does not help me like you either. And, really, calling me "Monsieur" when my first name appears all over the place, makes me question your ability to read, and will definitely not help me like you.
Help me like you. If you work at my cable company's helpdesk, kill yourselves. Or quit. But do it quick.
And if you think I'm exaggerating out of spite (which I could be, but I'd be entitled to spite right now), just see how helpdesk technicians fit in every sentence of one of The Omen posters:
"It is the greatest mystery of all because no human being working for a helpdesk will ever solve it.
It is the greatest suspense because no man dealing with a helpdesk can bear it.
It is the greatest fear because it is the fear of the unknown brain of the effing helpdesk technician."
I rest my case.