This will be short and sweet.
You know how there's been an epidemics of D&V lately. Well, it's not only in London, Paris was hit too. I've been spared so far (I sensed your worry), but today being sweet lurve day, I beg of you: please don't make me sick to my stomach with nauseating displays of affection. Please. I'm quite happy that you've found love, I just want to keep that knowledge to a minimum.
Thanks a bunch.
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