I'll have what they're having

Some people are getting really disappointed with me these days. I'm talking of all the guys (I say guys, but there might be laydees in there, I don't really know) who stumble upon this site through Google or some other adult search engine, through keywords that baffle me. Sexual keywords. Apparently, some people flock here to get their fix of sex and I don't even know why, because, well. Because. The only thing that it evokes in me is that obviously, they're much, much sadder than me if this is where they think they'll be getting any... thrills.
Sure, I know why, as the string (which is, oh so ironically, French for thong) they used did get some results on this site, and serves me right for using bad, bad language, but I don't understand why, as it's never as a "complete string". So they'll be looking for blonde bimbos in thongs (yes, I figured it was time I let them have a little fun) and will come across a "review" (which, we ascertained yesterday, I don't do) of the French Bachelor's season opening. Or they'll be looking for sex on a washing machine, and they'll have to read through my plumbing fears that my machine might explode one day in a flurry of clothes, foam and soapy water before realising that no, actually, there's no sex involved. Or they'll be googling other strings that my prude conscience has obviously blocked (or maybe I don't really want any more sickos), but my oh my, people are very imaginative.
Or they'll be looking for a Celine Dion instrumental. Which is about as kinky as can get, really.
Anyway. As a... service to these people, I will now talk about sex. Because. No, silly, still single. But yesterday, right in the middle of the work day, in the office, with my workmate sitting right beside me, I shrieked "my, that is so much better than an orgasm!". Which obviously made her snap right out of her iPod.
After a long struggle with the evil powers of the computer, I had finally managed to perfectly align two tables on two consecutive PowerPoint slides that had no template to speak of, you see.
So, yeah, much better than an orgasm.
And then I went for a ciggie. As you do.
There you go, people. Knock yourselves out.