Please don't let me reproduce.
The world's stupidest fly has taken up residence at my house. Seriously - the world's stupidest fly. It just keeps flying into me, even though I keep swatting at it, and it keeps missing the windows I leave wide open for it.
It's also the world's most stubborn fly: it has decided to stay whatever I do to make it leave, force it to leave, cajole it into leaving, bash it effing head in (and boy is that hard to do...). It never dies, and it never leaves.
Not to mention it's a little scary at times. Sometimes it just hides for ages, and when I finally decide that it's probably left, it just zooms straight into me several times like I'm its personal Pearl Harbour.
Thing is, I'm probably perfect for it, as I suspect I'm the world stupidest fly owner. In fact, I suspect that my neighbours might have collectively come to that same conclusion after spotting me several times - through the wide open windows - flailing my arms at very odd angles, trying, with words I didn't even know I had in me, to discourage the fly from moving in, using blankets or magazines as my weapon of choice.
The problem is, that cretin is kind of endearing, the same way you expect a huge and slightly retarded man to be extremely clumsy hence annoying, but well, you get used to him bruising your arms and back because he wants to hug you by surprise.
I'm not making the least bit of sense, am I... See? Perfect owner for the world's stupidest fly.
It did take me four days to kill it, after all.