There can be no other explanation for this... complete, blatant, and absolutely outrageous injustice that is my life. None.
You be the judge. Arrested Development is finally being shown on cable in France, on a channel that does not require paying too much money to get and that allows you to choose what language you want to watch (most) foreign (read US. And, if you're really really lucky, British) programmes in. So far so good, I hear you mumble, what's she on about then?
Several things really. First off, I programmed my VCR - do NOT make fun of my technological challenges - to record the first evening as they were showing several episodes and a behind-the-scenes doc, and apparently forgot to select English as audio language. I say "apparently" because I know I did select it. It is clear to me that the cable decoder thingy just canceled my selection to spite me.
Second, checking on things about forty-five minutes into the recording (which, considering there were three episodes that night, makes it half-way through, really...) I realised that this was going to be in French and, after much cursing, switched the languages, so that for five seconds, there's a big blue selection screen of concentration's death on Jason Bateman's face. That's a little annoying, but I guess in the grand scheme of annoying things, I can live with it.
Third, I then proceeded to watch said show, got 45 minutes of it in French and thought I was going to tear my own hair up and eat it in protest, in true trichotillomaniac fashion, and then probably move on to someone else's toenail clippings - that's how bad it was.
I just don't get this. When they started showing Friends in France, there was an uproar at how bad the subtitles and voice-over were - you'd think they would have learned... No they didn't. Or they did, but thought they could fool us again. But, in George Bush's immortal words, "fool me once, shame on... shame on you... If fooled, you can't get fooled again." Well, I have news for you. George Bush was wrong. We can. That dubbing is a shame, a shame!
Fourth, a couple days ago, in fact, I applied for a job, with a company somewhere in a country that will never ever be named on that here site again, that does exactly that: translate and subtitle and/or dub TV programmes. They didn't even think it fit to acknowledge my application. That country is seriously never being mentioned by name here any longer.
Fifth, you are not going to believe this. I was recording Some Like it Hot and The Misfits a while after that incident. I checked the recording. It's in English. Apparently, I learn from my mistakes. NO! NO, I DON'T! The blue screen of f#&@rhaaaaa#ing death stayed on for the whole first film and half of the second. What is wrong with my brain???
Honestly, whatever horrible, horrible things I did back then when I was a Pharaoh's whore or the lord of all that he surveyed, I certainly hope I had mucho fun and didn't care one bit for the diseases or misery I was gleefully spreading. Because I'd hate to think I was paying for the quart of milk I stole once from my sovereign in the dark ages. That would seriously be adding insult to injury.